Monday, October 25, 2010

time for an update??

It has been forever, and I apologize for being so absent in blog land.  You are so sweet to be checking in on me and seeing how I am doing despite my silence here.

Since I've left you I've visited the depths of fear and depression that comes from the unknown and the decision, but I have also recovered from that stronger than I have ever been before.  I'll always remember the distinct moment when the fear left my body, and I'll be forever grateful to Becky  for that.  That fear was replaced with a tangible lair of safety in my heart, full of white light and love, and safety and warmth.  I can still conjure it up now as I sit here.

We've been working hard towards healing with IV therapy, supplements, chiropractics, meditation and I've added in the mix a new doctor who is absolutely amazing.  Not only is he managing all my inlets for health on the integrative medicine realm, he is also an incredible acupuncturist and Chinese Medicine doctor.  I see him twice a week and leave there with waves of joy coursing through my body.

I've since celebrated my one year anniversary with my love and that weekend was a brilliant highlight to the wonderful reminder that is life and love.  We celebrated with a deep connection and set intentions for this new year together.  We even enjoyed cake (well he mostly...) from our wedding day, and bought for each other a crystal signing bowl in the chord C sharp for the root chakra.

Shortly after that we realized the passing of our one year anniversary of my first chemotherapy.  I remember so vividly that day...we rode over together in silence, scared.  But we made it through that day, and 10 others like it.  And I survived.  And I will again.

We've got the excitement of land on our fingertips.  Mom and Dad, oooh, how I feel so incredibly lucky, are in the works to buy this amazing...utterly amazing...piece of property in North Georgia.  This is a place of healing, you can feel it within in a minute of stepping foot on the property.  I am excited for this, and day dream of the dream becoming reality...

So that is where we are now.  Feeling grateful.  Feeling at peace with where I am right now.  ...and hoping I don't visit the dark side again.  But if I do I know I have the tools to crawl out again.  I am less than a month away from the next PET scan (still haven't scheduled it) but I am bracing myself for whatever it tells me.  If I am cancer free, than YES!!!!  Joyous celebration!! But if I am not, well, it is okay, I can fight some more and still win.

So there you have it!  An update!!  I feel like I have left SO much out but that is what being silent for almost two months will get you. hahah.

Oh, and I want to leave you with a  video that touches me to my soul.  We are all connected through the dance of life.  We are all human, and experience joy, pain, love, and the dance...

Click on this link:
Where the Hell is Matt

And here are the lyrics:
Stream of Life
by Rabindranath Tagore
The same stream of life that runs through my veins night and day
runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures.
It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth
in numberless blades of grass
and breaks into tumultuous waves of leaves and flowers.
It is the same life that is rocked in the ocean-cradle of birth
and of death, in ebb and in flow.
I feel my limbs are made glorious by the touch of this world of life.
And my pride is from the life-throb of ages dancing in my blood this moment.