Sunday, July 24, 2011

Saying Goodbye
Well folks, I last left you with the good news that I was cancer-free.  I was now set free from the constraints of quarantine, and I was set to getting on with my life.  I have certainly taken advantage of this new found freedom.  The scare of relapse changed something in me.  Before I even heard of the news that I was indeed in remission, I had truly surrendered to the fact that this life is fleeting, and I needed to take a real quick look at what matters.   What rose to the top were two things.  Community and Divine, and the common thread that weaves those two together is LOVE. 

While I had been focusing most of my energies on the divine these past months, I found my past weeks swinging towards the community end of "that which matters."  Patty spoke it perfectly, and with comfort, when she said that my life was swinging in the pendulum.  Before my pendulum was swinging high on the divine, healing energies end, and then now, when constraints were lifted, I swung high on the community end.  My life has been completely engulfed in enjoying others and landing back on this earth...laughter, love, togetherness, work, craziness, and just I take great joy in that life, I do look forward to swinging back into balance...something I haven't had for quite awhile. 

I went from 0-60 in seconds.  And I like it, but it seems like a whole lot to process.   In fact, this past two years seems like a whole lot to process.  And it is weighing heavily on this sweet soul right now.  

But the main reason that I am getting on here to write is to send my respects and deepest love to my friend Laura's family.   I met Laura within weeks after my diagnosis. She had been in this battle for awhile and always had the best attitude.  There were several times when I thought she truly was going to beat the cancer in her body, so it is hard for me to see that it has overtaken her.  Her attitude and spark were admirable and got me by several hard days.  I  have lost so many friend in the past two years, sometimes it is just too painful to bear.  But in the same breath, I have peace that she is not suffering anymore.  My tears are streaming, and sometimes I just don't know how to make sense out of this life.  In the end, I am happy that I had this time I had with Laura.  She brought lots of light to my life.  My hope is for happiness for her children and strength in what is to come.  I have a strong feeling that they already know how awesome she was, because she was an amazing mother...someone who brought light and happiness in a dark time, yet still remained true to what was real.  I will miss Laura in a way like no other--losing life to cancer hits very close to home.  But I am ever grateful for knowing her in the time that I did.  

So if I can ask one thing of you right now...please look around you and see who is in your life.  Take a real good look at them and remember that their smile, their love, their words, their way....their actions are what you remember and what you love.  And that is what matters.  So make it good, because you never know when it will be taken away from you.  

Loving you all.  Deeply.