my grandmother...

As I sit here in the coziness of my home with thunderstorms all around me I am moved to write about my grandmother.  Today, like many times past, she has absolutely floored me.  I am in awe of her gentle yet  tough spirit and today was no exception.  Whew, I don't know if I can even write this without tearing up. 

About 3 months ago she moved out of her home of over 20 years to an assisted living home.   She went from being a totally independent busy woman to one who's pain was so bad that she wanted to just stay home and be in bed--seems almost as if overnight.  She isn't a complainer, and has approached life lately with a "whatever" attitude, which seems to go a long way.   But it got to the point where she needed to complain and get some help.  She's since had back surgery and is on the road to recovery.  Her goal is to walk unassisted again. 

This weekend she joined her 3 children, 2 of her grandchildren, and spouses at her old home to go through her things and watch as her possessions were divied up amongst us. Whew...what...a...major...life...event...

Shortly after I arrived Patty walked in the kitchen with a stack full of yellowed letters all neatly saved in a ziploc bag.  They were love letters that grandma had saved to and from she and my grandpa--"Poppy".  What a beautiful love affair those two had--ahhh, what a life.  And to hear how lovingly she still talks about him. She asked me today, as we poured over memories of him-"will I ever stop missing him?"    It breaks my heart, but makes it swell at the same time that she had such a wonderful partner to go through life together with.  He passed away on their 50th wedding anniversary family reunion celebration weekend.  If there is a god, he couldn't have planned that one better.  He left grandma surrounded by her entire family--a family that she would drop anything else she ever had going on just to be with. 

So we all spent the time packing, moving, hustling and bustling, and she was there, full of grace.  She had moments where emotion would overtake her, but she would move through the tears, and say she just needed to get it out and then she was fine.  Grace, grace, grace...that word just keeps popping up in my mind because I was just blown away by how it just flowed from her.

Here were her worldly possessions, full of memories, yet she released attachment to them and seemed, for the most part, fine with what a major thing this was. 

She told me as we were holed up in her closet going through all of her scarves (I love scarves, and learned that I come by that naturally...) that each decade of her life (she's lived 8 now) has brought its own joys.  She says she looks forward to what joy the 90s will bring.  Always the optimist, that is my grandma. 

My grandma has always had a strong and loving presence in my life.  And I am so grateful for that.  I am grateful for the time I have shared with her and the time that I still have left with her.  She is a role model for me, and her positivity is inspiring. 

Well, time to sign off...it is hard to type through tears. 

I love you grandma.