Wednesday, January 4, 2012

these boots are made for walking...

I left Kaiser at 10:30 am, and my doctor had contacted me by 12:30 with the results.  What a blessing he is to our family.  I am so grateful that this painful thing called scanxiety only lasted 2 hours!  And the best part is that I was with my mother, father, brothers and husband--all about to sit down for lunch when we found out.  It couldn't have been planned more perfectly.

The news that was delivered however wasn't what we'd hoped for.  But, it could definitely have been worse.  Back in September the scan showed suspicious nodes.  I had a handful of nodes that lit up lightly, and were small.  We had suspicions that one might have been my thymus gland again.  The doctors decided to watch and wait. 

Today all the nodes that lit up before were still there, and were slightly larger with equal or slightly greater SUV.  I also have one more node that has appeared that is 1cm x 1 cm.  The largest one is 3 cm.  The greatest SUV is 10, with many ranging from 4-10.  I know this doesn't mean much to most of you, but in cancer speak, size and SUV are what matter.  I have no metasteses, and all my other organs look great and nothing in my bones.  The final comment from the radiologist is that I have mild progression of FGD-avid disease.  

My oncologist contacted my specialist doctor and my surgeon and they all agreed that we still shouldn't do any treatment until we biopsy to see what we are even dealing with.  There are reports of misleading PET scans.  There are reactive lymphnodes after something like what I went through. It could also be recurrence.  They also said I could continue to watch and wait.  

I haven't written anything on this blog in three months save last night.  I went way inward, and have explored a whole new realm of healing.  It is hard to write about these experiences, but I would like to let you know that I have been doing intense energy work sessions with different healers.  What I have learned from this is that no matter what, this will be in my life going forward and always.  I look forward to delving even more deeply into this medicine.  

As for what next.  ...  we are only t plus 5 hours from hearing the news.  So we don't know what next.  I might still be a bit numb.  But we are all doing okay.  We have each other.  We have you.  We have options.  We are hopeful.  We will beat this...the journey is just not over yet.  

I truly and deeply appreciate your emails, texts, calls, fb comments, blog comments.  You really know how to make me feel loved.  And I love you.  

And I'll leave you with a quote Augustin sent to me today:

"The world is full of suffering.  It is also filled with overcoming it."
              --Helen Keller

And here is one that my friend Heather posted on her wall today.  I don't know the author, but I like it:
"Stop holding on to what hurts and make room for what feels good."


  1. DOLLYWOOD 2012 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    love Dee

  2. Hey girl, are we allowed to cuss on here? :) but of course I do want to cuss because this is so darn frustrating and hard. but it's good to get answers. it's good to know where you stand and to know your plan of action. there are many options and innovative solutions even when western medicine can't give us the answers.
    A great philosopher, Victor Frankel said everything can be taken from you in life except one thing: your freedom to choose how you will respond to it, the situations in your life. you respond in the most elegant and amazing ways given this incredible challenge. keep up the good work!!! if you get a little tired, we'll carry you until you're ready to kick ass again. love you so much, cass

  3. Evie, you ARE loved by all of us. You also are showing others how to LIVE. Thank you for this. Sincerely, Brenda & Peter

  4. The quotes Augustin sent are quotes that could have been from you. You are amazing and deserve journeys that are ONLY filled with what "feels good"!!!! Here's rooting for misleading PET scans!!!

  5. Hello,
    I have a question about your blog. Please email me!