the reality

What a crazy roller coaster life has been lately.  My mind reels in a hundred directions, with the constant reminder that toxic thoughts will make this whole process more difficult.  So this go around I've realized that my mental health is as important as my physical health for the positive outcome that I know we will achieve.  Fortunately I am surrounded by people who can help me with this.  I feel like we are fighting a war, and we've got one hell of an army!  Everything from the scientific/medical team, to the mental/emotional team, to the health/healing team.  And I truly believe that all of this, once I reach the other side, will make me a better person... and one who will be able to help others like me one day.  Because if I have learned one thing, it is much easier if you don't have to do this alone.  And I've found support in unlikely places too...like from people I have just barely met who've opened their heart to me, and I am touched beyond belief. 

Patty has turned me on to the teachings of Byron Katie, and as new as I am to her, the central dogma of her philosophy is that wanting our reality to be different than what it is causes pain…so just accept what is.  And strangely I get some relief from that.   With this calming, it seems I can make more rational decisions and actions as to how to merge the desire/reality path. 

So what is the reality right now?  My last post seemed pretty definitive, but, well, what is the saying?? "A woman who doesn't change her mind doesn't have one."  Well, I guess I can't say I've changed my mind, but I've opened it up to more possibilities.  The whole process of stem cell harvest, high-dose chemo, and then stem cell transplant with quarantine sounds pretty scary.  They are gong to kill all of my bone marrow (let alone all the other damage it can do), and rely on the cells they harvest to make me whole again. I know that this has been a very successful treatment for many, and is groundbreaking and life-saving.  I am incredibly grateful for the research and science that has made this possible as it might be what saves my life.  But I've taken a step back and want to see what else I can possibly do to not have to go through this.  

This whole fertility issue has actually bought us some time, which, upon thinking about now, is a blessing. I have these weeks to not sit idly by, but to do something, and we will see what comes!  We've decided that I am going to work on implementing a raw foods diet, increase my Vitamin C IV's to 4 times per week (Dr. Drisko has seen people who have relapsed go into remission purely from this alone), add in things like higher dose curcumin (thanks Dr. Hartle!!),  and other polyphenols that can dampen the inflammatory response. It is a bit ironic that my graduate work might be just that that helps save my life. 

Patty found a really interesting article on Hodgkins and it shows that there are very few cancer cells in these tumors, and the cancer cells are surrounded by inflammatory cytokines and other inflammatory cells that actually fill out the tumor.  So if I can dampen the inflammatory response, I can slow the growth of the tumor!  I am going to do heavier detox with saunas and exercise with nutrient support.  And once I can get my eggs harvested (end of July) I'll head to a raw foods retreat center in Ithaca, NY.  I lived/worked there in 2002 for a summer, and know it as a place dear to my heart, and good for healing of the best kind.  

I am going to work on the emotional aspect of all this too with meditation, counseling, and group work. I've been introduced to new healing  modalities such as NET and chiropractic work, homeopathy, and spiritual development.   I am finding this as critical as the physical health aspect. 

I am ready to cleanse the body and mind so that it is ready for whatever life has to throw at me. 

After these things I hope that my oncologist will give me a script for another PET scan to see if any of this has made a dent. And then we will decide what to do.   

So there you go...that is reality for now.  Who knows if it will change, but I am not going to worry about that now...

Happy Fourth!