Update post chemo

Michael has proven time and time again that he is in it for the long haul.  Everyone who knows my sweet husband knows that he is inherently a good care giver.  I'll never forget the first Christmas that Michael spent with my family.  We all went to Cirque du Soilel.  In the mad dash to the cars after the performance, family was splitting off this way and that, trying to decide where to have dinner, and who should ride with who.  It was a bit chaotic, and when I looked to see where Michael was, he was in the back making sure my grandmother wasn't left alone. (Even though he thought her name was Ruth at the time!) They were cutting up, and it was then I was reminded again that he truly is a gem of man.  His heart is pure and kind and gentle despite the silly antics that he puts on.

And so, to no suprise, he has been fantastic to me this week.  It is a tough week for both of us.  Coming down from the high of the wedding to waking up during the night dealing with this situation  The night after the port was put in he had to wake up each time I needed to lie down and sit up..  He'd get me pain pills, and he'd sit with me rubbing my back as I cried.

He scrubbed the bathroom because he wanted to make sure there was no mold anywhere to cause me any additional problems.  We also needed to be clean for the start of the PBsEB experience (for those of you who don't know...the Patty Bralley Enema Bucket kit).  Sorry if this is TMI for you all, but enema's and coffee enemas are a part of life now.  BTW...Great Kit Patty!!!  I think you should market this puppy!

Wednesday morning we got up and quietly got ready to go.  Mom called just as we were walking out the door to send love. We barely said many words to each other on the way to the infusion center.  I asked him if he was scared, and he said yes.  And he held my hand, and we drove in silence.  I lost it when I entered the waiting room to sign in.  I couldn't stop crying.  The women at the desk looked awkward and said "it'll be okay Ms. Bralley"  and Michael preceded to say, it's Mrs. Cook now!!  Which made everyone ooh and aahh, and took my mind back to happy things.  He told stories about the wedding.  He's got this way of lightening the situation. 

So I got weighed, blood pressure and temp taken. I can't tell you how many times I've done that in the past two months!! And then we went back.  The surgeon left the port accessed so they didn't have to go in to a fresh wound.  The nurse was nice and talked softly, which I so much appreciated.  Her demeanor was calm.  That helped. But I still couldn't stop crying.  Michael was right there. Holding my hand. Looking into my eyes.  Telling me it was going to be okay.  I was...just..so...scared...

And then we started.  The nurse went through each of the 4 drugs one by one and told me all of the common and rare side effects.  If that isn't enough to make you want to run screaming out the door--well I don't know what is.  Enough talking...the nurse started the first drug.  The port was working beautifully.  We had a good blood return.  And then we did the next one, and the next, and then the next.  4 drugs, 3 hours.  Lots of tears.  Hope smattered in there that this will all be some bad dream soon.  Mom tells me to look at these drugs not as poison, but as healing potions.  That helps..but it hard to situate the mind that way.

We came home to find flowers waiting at the back door from Mom and Dad.  I talked to my mom later to thank her and she said, she wished she'd thought of it, but it wasn't her.  It was then I realized that yes! I really do have two sets of parents who love and adore me.   So thanks Chuck and Rin for the beautiful sunflowers that still bring sunshine into our home.

And then I slept. And I slept well that night. 

Thursday morning we woke up, I did my PBsEB. And felt pretty okay.  So I got dressed and went to work.  I worked the whole day (almost).  Felt a bit overwhelmed, but we've got good people there, and things are getting taken care of.

The best news came from Dr. David around 4 pm.  We decided to have Metametrix draw and handle my enzyme test to send out to Quest Diagnostics.  This is the test that I needed to pass in order to get the Vitamin C IVs.  The one that Progressive said I failed last week.  Well, Dr. David came to find me, all happy..and said you've got to see this!!  NORMAL!!!  normal.  normal.....aahhhhhhh....thank the heaven and stars and earth below my feet.  I can do these Vitamin C IVs.  YES!  I am So hopeful that these will decrease my duration of chemo, and completely eliminate the need for radiation.  Hopeful thinking, but that is where I need to be right now.

So Thursday wasn't so bad.  :)

Friday I went in to Progressive for a Vit C IV, hyperbaric, and then came home to sleep.  I could feel the magnetism to the couch growing stronger.  I get up and about for awhile--I did the dishes...and then I just want to lie back down again. 

Last night was nice.  We went for a walk--something that is important for us to do everyday.  Michael cooked a delicious, healthy, organic dinner.  We watched Stargate and thought of Dad--SciFi Friday!  And then curled up in bed to read.  Michael got a new nintendo DS lite game from April and Andy for the wedding, and he's been enjoying it so much. 

The nausea hit out of nowhere last night.  Fortunatley there are pills for that.  And my sweet husband, right there with the trash can (which I didn't end up needing) and a cold towel.

So that brings us to today.  I can't remember that last time Michael and I had a weekend where we had no plans.  We have SOoooo much to do around the house and we are usually so busy, we never get to it.  Now we are home, and I don't feel like doing a thing but lie down.  Oh well..I am trying to just let that go.

We thought that maybe I wouldn't feel so lazy if I just stopped being lazy.  So we went for a walk, which felt good.  And now, here I am back on the couch.  ....ahhh..oh well.  He is out and about running errands.  So atleast there is that. ;p

So so far the chemo hasn't completely knocked me out.  This is good.  We can live with this if this is the worst of it.  It would be nice to know that was true.  Hopefully all these other lifestyle things we are doing will help keep me healthy and with less symptoms.

Sorry if I just blabbed your ears off--or tired your eyes out...I guess when I finally sit down to write I just spill it.

My heart is also thinking of all the others out there struggling right now.  It is a heavy time for SO many people I know.  My love goes to the Sefic family who just lost an amazing lady.  To my grandmother, and to all the others out there, you know who you are (I won't out you unless you want me too!).  I wish everyone peace, love, and health. 

photo by Tijana Sefic