Thanks-giving

Well, on the eve of my next PET scan I am finding myself in a place of incredible gratitude.  I have cried several times this week...ranging all the way from fear and anger to being touched by incredible love and beauty.  It is such an interesting thing...to experience the swing of the pendulum.  Senses are heightened right now and I guess I am just holding on for the ride.  What I have found is that I can influence this swing of the pendulum...I can catch air on the love and gratitude side of things...hang tight for awhile, and bask in that loveliness.  And then fear steps back in, but I don't linger for long.

On the eve of this national holiday, Thanksgiving, I have many thanks to give.  I thank my dear friends for their friendship.  Lori, I loved loved loved our conversation this morning and look forward to the day when I can embrace you and we can laugh and play together and enjoy this gift of life.  To M in Fl, your dedication and support...I have no way to repay you.  It touches me deeply.  And to Mary and Patty who let me cry and beat pillows, I am grateful for the love and energy you bring to me and our home. 

Yesterday morning I was reminded yet again how deeply I love this soul mate of mine (not that that is hard...), and how much he loves me.  I've been having trouble with my port access this week, and we've had to jerry-rig the IV to get the fluids in fast enough.  I ended up having to do an IV on Saturday morning (long story...) but, because of this problem with the port Michael had to put the IV pole on the coffee table, and I had to lie of the floor to use gravity to our advantage.  Instead of him leaving me and doing normal Saturday morning things he plopped right down next to me on the floor (even though his butt went numb--I used up all the pillows) and we made the most of an annoying time.  We spent a couple of hours pouring over our wedding photos trying once again to make an album (progress was put on hold when our Mac Book pro was stolen in the break-in...not to mention the year delay with all the other stuff going on...).  So we got to re-live that amazing weekend again.  And then my friend Dee posted this video of facebook that immediately  put me into tears...ain't love grand???



So with all the anxiety of the test tomorrow...which keeps liking to show itself, I am also feeling grateful for all that I have despite what the results will tell me.  After the scan, which Augustin is taking me too, I get to spend time with my amazing grandmother for her 84th birthday, and then enjoy the holiday with my parents, my brothers, Michael's parents and Margie and Ray.  Life is good.  We are surrounded in love and good people.