Day +1 thoughts

So it is Saturday morning (day +1) and Michael and are are hunkered down in our corner of the bone marrow transplant clinic where we will be for six hours today getting iv fluids. We are on the 10th floor overlooking the skyline. This is where I will be everyday for the next 30 days at least.

Everything up until now has been preparation for this--ICE x 2, catheter placement, cytoxan, nupagen shots and stem cell mobilization, stem cell collection, drug education, pharmacy runs, high-dose chemo, rest day and then transplant. ...following the schedule, making it happen, eyes on the prize...

So now we are here. The day we've been waiting for and I am feeling a little out of control. There are so many unknowns that could happen for me in the coming weeks and I guess I didn't stop to worry about them until just a few minutes ago. Fortunately Michael is here and he let's me get teary and then helps me move the worry from my head.

I feel like I was in the middle of a whirlwind on a specific path and now the winds have died down and we don't have a hundred things on the schedule to check off. The calendar is blank...we play it by ear. We wait to see how my body does with the procedure.

There is a very great chance I'll be admitted to the hospital (95% of people do) for either fever or mucositis. I find fear and anxiety welling up in me surrounding this. ...okay...so I feel it. There you go.

When I get worried I find myself asking a lot of questions. I spoke to a friend today who is 30 days post transplant and she said everything that could have happened, did...fever, mucositis, bladder infection, rash. She stayed in the hospital two weeks. But she said the good thing was that the medical team didn't seem worried, they had it under control. That is what they are there for. And today she is up walking around, out of the hospital, and getting stronger everyday.

Patty is coming over today, she's been coming a lot lately and I feel our work on the energetic level will help me with all of this. And as Adya says - just allow everything to be as it is...

...and then I can exhale

...and then I think of the sweetness of yesterday. Love billowing from every angle. And I realize, everything will be okay. Even if there are bumps in the road.

WBC: 3.2
Hematocrit: 29.9
Platelets: 244
Neutrophils: 2.8
Mucositis: 1 on scale of 10
Temp: 98.7

So here are my thoughts this drizzly Atlanta morn