Going with the Flow

So, it's been 5 weeks and 3 days since we've been married.  Making that 4 weeks and 6 days since I've started treatment.  That's enough time to get down the routine, isn't it?  I am feeling more comfortable with this ebb and flow as I am seeing it move for the third time now.  Granted, each time has been different considering which day I was most nauseated, which day I was most emotional, which day I was most tired.  But for the most part I am seeing that starting the day of chemo (wednesday) through the next Tuesday I am pretty much not myself.  The details of the "not myself" have been different each time. Today is the Tuesday after and this morning was the first morning that I have begun to feel somewhat normal again.  Not there yet, but I am dressed in business attire, make-up on, hair done (haha, what's left of it anyway), and sitting in the hyperbaric chamber for the final minutes before I rejoin the world and go down to Emory to listen to Ken Cook of Environmental Working Group discuss toxicity in our world today. 

So I made it through another round.  One thing we've learned is that as much as we are THRILLED that I had my menstrual period this week--that combined with chemo makes for one tough emotional time of it all.  I barely remember Friday as I cried my entire way through it.  Saturday left my face looking like I was donning bright pink eyeliner.  Sexy.  What I did do Saturday morning was make a cup of coffee and man alive....that stuff is like gold sometimes.  I enjoyed every last sip--spiked with manuka honey and soy milk...ahhhh......it's the little things in life.  But that coffee made me feel like a million bucks.  By 2pm Michael and I had cleaned the house.  And not just picked up...cleaned!  The windows were open.  The day was BEAUTIFUL!  It felt good.  The coffee lasted just in time for me to sit and read a chapter in the Power of Now before the amazing Meechi Peachie came over to give me one of her energy moving massages.  She left me in a puddle to nap, and upon rising, I took a hot steaming aromatherapy bath.  It was so nice.  I was ready for bed at 8pm. ....  After going to bed though I realized I just couldn't take it anymore and had to get up and do an enema. I kept obsessing that my bowel was making me toxic... Boy my life sure has changed these days.  ...

So no point in explaining in detail my life these past days.  I just basically have to live through the yuck times.  I want to crawl out of my skin most times and hang my self up on a hanger until it is over.  The nausea was bad this time.  It wasn't particularly nausea related to food, but to situations.  I did the hemi sync while nauseated and now can't stand the thought of doing it again right now.  TV makes me feel that way a little.  Being in my house did that yesterday.  I keep trying to just sleep so that I will not have to think about being.  But, I can't crawl out of my skin. And I do need to experience this.  So I am just grateful for waking up this morning and feeling somewhat better. 

I am looking forward to going out in public today. 

Even though it is raining. 

Michael has been amazing as always.  He's cooked, cleaned, done housework, rubbed my aching legs, held me while I cry, made me laugh when I need it, and generally has been the best mate I could ever ask for. 

I really appreciate all your love and support through this.  And for listening to me babble.  Onward and forward, right? 

Much love to you all.